It goes a little something like this.
The horror of what was feeding time has just about finished. Both child and parent are exhausted in equal measure. Just to give you an idea, I will use tonight as an example. This was the scene at approximately 6.45pm. My daughter is PINK.
Yes, you did read that right. Pink. Covered, head to toe in fromage frais. Well I think it was fromage frais. There was a slight crust to the upper layers around the eyebrows. This I can only assume was snot mixed with the fromage frais.
Just below the neck area there is a slimey brown liquid which I am hoping against hope is mushed banana. If not, then we have entered a whole new world of pain. The kind of pain that only an explosive nappy can bring.
Luckily on this occasion my poo fears are misplaced.
The next stage in the process is the extracting from the high chair and transferring to the bath. In theory this should be simple. In reality, it is not.
The reason that it is not is because she is currently covered in fromage frais, banana and snot. This therefore makes it difficult to remove the clothes. Once clothes are removed we then have the nightly game of nappy roulette. Has she managed to have a shit in the 30 minutes it took to have dinner?
The answer, dear reader is Yes. Yes she has.
So as things stand we are currently naked, covered in fromage frais, snot, banana and slightly smelling of shit. We are however edging closer to the bath tub.
With one final dash, holding baby at arms length (to avoid being pissed on) we make it to the bath.
This is definitely my favourite bit. She loves being in the bath! Splashing is compulsory and most of the water ends up on the kitchen floor. We tend to go through phases of which toy is favourite. We are currently very much into a fluorescent orange crab and a pink octopus. We've also taken to drinking the bath water (when its full of soap, naturally).
After 10 minutes or so we decide to call it a night and get her out. This has a whole routine to itself.
Let me explain...
You see she doesn't just like to get out of the bath like any normal child. No. There is a very strict routine which consists of two main parts.
Stand in bath and do the naked dance. The naked dance does what it says on the tin. She likes to be propped up on 2 feet and "danced" in full view of the neighbours whilst mummy and daddy sing we are the cheeky girls, we are the cheeky girls, touch my bum, don't be shy, cheeky cheeky!
Regular readers of my blog will have noticed that the cheeky girls make an appearance during the drying off process as well.
Once removed from bath and wrapped up in towel, it's time for the obligatory game of Peepo!
This is done in the remote hope that it will prevent screaming when on the changing mat.
Cue second verse of We are the cheeky girls, whilst drying, smearing cream on nappy rash, battling the vest, getting both arms and legs into baby grow, buttoning up baby grow and then finally rebuttoning baby grow because you missed one of the poppers.
Little trick we've come up with to relax her is to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on repeat. This gives us just enough time to do all of the above!
Now finally dressed (and looking very cute!) She's ready for her final bottle of the day.
10 minutes later, the impossible appears to have happened.... She's asleep!
Enjoy the peace and quiet!